What are your summer memories like?  I grew up in Southern California, and while I didn’t personally spend much time at the beach, I remember eating grapes from a Dixie cup, running through the sprinkler, and playing outside until dark.  I don’t remember much TV watching – and video games hadn’t been invented.  I am sure that children today will have very different summer memories – FB, Texting, ipod listening, movies, cable, DSI games…I think I like my memories better!

Many kids will spend a chunk of their summer sitting more or less dormant.  Here at Pantano, we would like to help with that!  We have activities planned for children turning 3 by the end of August, through those just graduating from HS.  Day trips, Day Camp, Vacation Bible School, Fine Arts Camp, special evening events for the teens – and most importantly to us – Away Camps!

If you were here in church this weekend, you heard me share about my first Summer Camp experience – where I accepted Christ as my Savior.  From that point on, I was hooked on camp – I went as a teen a couple more years, then started attending as a Summer Camp Counselor – I LOVE CAMP!  I love the fresh air, the activities, the campfire times, the special worship, the challenging speaker and the making of new friends – but most importantly I love how I can hear God so much more clearly when I am away from home.  I can feel His presence; sense His love; enjoy His creation all around me.

For my kids, I would say that the same has been true.  They come back closer to God, renewed in their faith, closer to their friends and their church leaders – it is a win for all of us – AND, some of the best money we spend all year – well worth the investment!

My prayer is that you will consider Summer camp this summer for your incoming 3rd thru HS Student.  Our camps are by age group and we will be happy to answer your questions, help provide a scholarship if camp is not affordable for you, AND we will have at least one of our Full Time Staff at every camp – as well as qualified and loving leaders, many of whom your children likely will already know!

Whether you call it “The Talk” or the “The Birds and the Bees” – most parents get very nervous when “the time” comes to discuss sex with their child.    When do you do this?  How much do you share?  What do you say?  What terms do you use?  So much pressure!

Because Roger and I have 4 girls – I have been the lucky one to have the talk – 3 times.  I chose to do the twins together.  Not sure that was the best move on my end.  After the initial “You have GOT to be kidding about all this!!” and “GROSS!”, here are a few excerpts from their comments from that night –    “So, you and dad have done this 4 times?”  to which the other replied, “NO, Stupid!  They have only done it 3 times – we are twins!”  Before I could really answer, one of them asks, “So, how will we know how to do this when we get married?  Can we watch you and dad?”  (Can you feel my pain??!?!?)  Uncomfortable or not – every parent needs to make this conversation a priority – at some point.

I would recommend a couple of tools that you can use for when the time comes:  Family Life Publishing puts out a weekend curriculum designed for a parent and child to do together called “Passport2Puritity” by Barbara and Denise Rainey.  James Dobson and Focus on the Family put out a program entitled “Preparing for Adolescence”.  I am sure that there are more tools as well.  Either way, it is vitally important that you, as parent, are the one to have this conversation with your pre-teen.  The public schools address the topic in 4th grade.  Whether you choose 4th or 5th grade to have this conversation, I recommend that you have it before your child enters Middle School.  You want them to know the facts – from you – BEFORE they hear a lot from their peers.

Here at PCC, we offer an every other year curriculum discussing this with our 4th and 5th graders on Saturday nights (we will be heading into week 3 of this curriculum this weekend).  Some parents choose to talk to their kids 1:1 after we have covered the curriculum, some choose to do it before.

For those of you with Middle and High School students, we also cover this most years in the Spring.  Also, this week, we have  a special Parent Partnership Night designed for parents and teens to attend together, “The Reality of Sex and Teens in Today’s World”.  We will be meeting in the auditorium on Wednesday, March 14th from 6:30-8:30.  There will be a panel of pregnant, parenting, and abstinent teens.   The night will be facilitated by 2 of our church members who work for Teen Outreach Pregnancy Services.  We encourage teens to attend with their parents and hope that parents will follow up the panel discussion with some 1:1 conversation with their teen at home that night.

What is Baby Dedication?  Here at PCC, it is a time where parents stand before their family, friends, and most importantly, God, and dedicate themselves to raising their child according to God’s Word.  This means that they are saying to all that they will not only take the time to tell their child about God, they will also model Christ to their children.

Why is this important?  Because Biblically speaking, it is our responsibility to pass our values and our faith on to our children.  It is not the church’s job and it is certainly not a job that we want to leave up to chance or the world around us.  If we believe in the authority and power of the Bible; if we believe that God created us and loves us; if we believe that accepting Christ as our Savior is the only way to heaven, then we need to own the fact that it is our job to pass all this on to our children.

Some might ask, “shouldn’t children be allowed to choose their own faith?”  Absolutely!  In fact, that is the only way it works!  God has given each of us free will.  When your children are old enough to choose Christ through baptism, we will help with that.  However, you don’t have to read very far into the Old Testament to vividly see the effects of generations of Israelites “passing away” without passing on their faith to their children.  Over and over we see the same cycle – the Israelites following the one true God, then being blessed, then forgetting God or turning from God, then a new generation growing up without knowing God, then trials and tribulations.  After a time, they find/follow God again, repent, and the cycle starts over.

If your children choose to not follow God as adults, that is their choice – but do not let it be because they didn’t know God or Christ THRU you!!

While modeling Christ to your children is your role, we, as a church want to walk along side you.  We have tools and offer a wonderful and meaningful celebration.  If you are interested in attending our next Baby Dedication class, e-mail me at rjblumenthal@pantanochristian.org!  The class is this Sunday, March 11th, with the actual dedication on Sunday, March 25th!

A love and logic parent forwarded me an article by Alison Gopnik: “What’s Wrong With the Teenage Mind?”  It was very interesting.  Alison talks about how children are reaching puberty earlier, but adulthood later – quoting various studies and findings that show this to be true.

Here is a quote that really grabbed my love and logic friend and I – see if it resonates with you too:

“You come to make better decisions by making not-so-good decisions and then correcting them. You get to be a good planner by making plans, implementing them and seeing the results again and again. Expertise comes with experience.”

The article goes on to explain why apprenticeships and real life experiences are so important.  Our brain needs these opportunities to develop.  Here is how Alison puts it: “First, experience shapes the brain. People often think that if some ability is located in a particular part of the brain, that must mean that it’s “hard-wired” and inflexible. But, in fact, the brain is so powerful precisely because it is so sensitive to experience. It’s as true to say that our experience of controlling our impulses make the prefrontal cortex develop as it is to say that prefrontal development makes us better at controlling our impulses. Our social and cultural life shapes our biology.”

Sparing your child relatively safe, real life experiences and consequences will not allow their brains to develop as fully as allowing them to experience the results of their choices – and learn from them.  Here are some easy ones to start with:

• Don’t rescue your child if they have forgotten their lunch, jacket, homework or musical instrument.  These are “cheap” learning experiences – let them learn from them.
• Don’t bail them out of poor choices when they refuse to finish their dinner, complete their chores, take ownership of their homework.  Allow these childhood experiences to build their decision making abilities and their confidence when they learn from their mistakes.

Help build your teenagers mind!  Even children as young as 2-3 can be learning from their mistakes and decisions!

A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from a family in need.  The couple/blended family was going to divorce and things were getting volatile.  The mom and her 3 kids needed a place to stay for a few days.  Roger was out of town, so I called a “Family Meeting” and explained to our girls that we were going to open our home for a few days.  That few days ended up being 12 days – and our family was amazingly blessed in the process of helping this other family.

Last week, after we helped the family pack  and get ready to move back to another state, Roger and I took some time to “debrief” the past couple of weeks with the girls.  We knew that a lot of learning had taken place – and we wanted to get the most out of this growing experience.  Here are some of the spinoffs of our family conversation:

• Amazing how God blessed us while we blessed them
• How much we enjoyed having them and how close we all grew
• How scary it must have been for the family to have no place to go and no money
• How trusting and helpful their kids were
• Some great recipes, how to french braid, and more
• How important it is to know someone before you get married
• What they would do if they were in a relationship that “didn’t seem quite right”
• Important questions to ask while dating
• How important friends are in helping you determine your choices in life
• Seeking Godly wisdom and advice when making choices
• How God’s church responded to this family in their time of need
• How some people from our church staff just anonymously gave money to help them
• How the mom had said to us that “we had been Jesus” to her – and what that meant
• How we hope that they will visit us again some time!

As parents, we can take any situation and turn it into a time of teaching.  Our job is to make the most of our life experiences – and use them to point children to God.

The other day I had a young teen talk to me about wanting to have a pet.  She had promised her mom she would take care of it, but mom wasn’t convinced.  So, what to do?

When I was 7, my mom was expecting her 3rd child.  At that time we had just adopted a little lost dog.  It belonged to the family – but I wanted it for my own.  So, my younger brother (who was 5) and I made a deal.  If the baby was a girl, he got to own the dog; if the baby was a boy, I got to own the dog.  When my mom had another boy, I was overjoyed!  I FAR MORE wanted a dog than another brother!  From that point on, I always had a pet of some sort.  Dog, fish, parakeets, hamsters.  They were always my responsibility, and usually lived in my room.  I learned a lot from Dodie, Lucky, Comet, Cupid, Sugar and Spice (just to name a few).

Pets teach children about responsibility and about giving and receiving love.  They allow kids to do research and make decisions about care.  Pets give kids a chance to have someone to “talk” to.  Pets don’t have to be dogs or cats.  Our household has 2 family dogs.  But some of our daughters have their own pets too.  Pets purchased with their own money and that live in their room.  We have a total of 4 parakeets and 2 bunnies that live in the girl’s rooms.  (And 2 African water frogs – but those are mine!)

Here is the question that you are likely asking.  Robin, what if my kids don’t take care of their pets?  Obviously you don’t want to let innocent animals or fish die.  Simply do one of the following Love and Logic options:

• Take care of them a couple of times – but either charge your kids for your services or have an “energy drain” to replenish the energy it took to do their job.
• If that happens often, or too much in a row, simply find the pets a new home.  You don’t have to warn your child.  When they ask “Where is Fido or Goldie?”  you can simply say, with empathy, “I have taken them over to the Smith family (notice I didn’t say Blumenthal family) and they are going to take care of them for a while.  I felt bad about the neglect Fido/Goldie was experiencing.  Perhaps one day soon you will be able to convince me and your pet that you can care of them.”  Now, if your child doesn’t mind or forgets all about it – then work out permanent arrangements – they are not ready for a pet and/or don’t care enough to want the responsibility.  Likely your child will work to get the pet back – AND be more responsible for it!

I should start by saying that I owe most of my “thank you learning” to 2 people who supervised me years ago when I worked for the YMCA in Huntington Beach, CA.  Freddie Varner and Mark Larson were excellent at sending thank yous.  They knew how to make someone feel valued; thanked; special: appreciated.  Over the years, I have worked to make sure that those around me feel the same way – and in return, I find that my blessings are multiplied back ten-fold.

As I began to have kids, I realized that I wanted my kids to learn this as a way of life.  Let’s take Birthday Parties for example.  We have always had big birthday parties for our kids.  (That is our gift to them).  Not “expensive” necessarily, but lots of kids.  (We see it as a form of ministry – but that is another story.)  Often our kids would have 20-30 children at a birthday party.  When they were young, say 3-4, I would write the notes for them – asking them what they liked about the gift or the giver and I would write that down.  I would even use little “dots” spelling out “Thank you” and have them trace them.  When they were old enough to write, I would write most of the note and let them copy the letters for the blanks.  For example:

” Dear ___________,   Thank you for the ______________.  I really liked it!  Love, ______________.”

On another sheet of paper I would have “Mark; Candy Land game”.  They would copy the words and sign their name.

As they got even older still, I would have them write the entire note – and I would have them add an extra line – something like ” Thank you for coming to my party.”  “I am glad you are my friend.”  etc.

Sometimes the kids would complain – after all, writing 30 notes takes a while!  When this would happen, I would simply say, “I understand.  So, next year, if you don’t want to write as many notes, lets have less kids here.”  They would stop and think….then start writing again.  I have heard some parents say that their rule of thumb is that you can’t play with the new toy until the note is written.  Great idea!

Now that my kids are all older, I had them the list and the cards – and that is it.  You should see the notes they write!  Heartfelt, detailed, specific.  Sometimes I read the notes that they write – and am moved to tears over the things that they say to people.  For example, “Our life is so fun with you in it!”  “I have already been able to buy something a really wanted – and I will think of you when I use it.”

Maddy turns 15 this week.  She had 30 teens over for a party Saturday.  Within 2 hours of the party ending she said, “Mom I need some thank yous”.  By Saturday night, she had written more than 1/2.  She told me about one young lady: “Mom, she gave me so much – and she is always so sweet – I just love her!  When I get to her thank you I am going to fill both sides of the card!”

Ahhhh….embracing the moments!!

Let’s take a look at the words to the song “Courageous”, by Casting Crowns

 We were made to be courageous; We were made to lead the way.

We can be the generation that finally breaks the chains.

We were made to be courageous; we were made to be courageous.

We were warriors on the frontlines; Standing unafraid.

But now we are watchers on the sidelines; While our families slip away.

Where are you men of courage? You were made for so much more!

Let the pounding of our hearts cry we will serve the lord.

We were made to be courageous and we are taking back the fight!

We were made to be courageous and it starts with us tonight.

The only way we’ll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands.

Make us courageous; Lord make us courageous.

This is our resolution, our answer to the call,

we will love our wives and children, we’ll refuse to let them fall.

We will reignite the passion that we carry deep inside,

May the watchers become warriors let the men of God arise!

We were made to be courageous and we are taking back the fight!

We were made to be courageous and it starts with us tonight.

The only way we’ll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands.

Make us courageous; Lord make us courageous.

Have Mercy, seek justice, walk humbly with your God.

In the war of the mind, I will make my stand; in the battle of the heart and the battle of the hand.

We were made to be courageous and we are taking back the fight!

We were made to be courageous and it starts with us tonight.

The only way we’ll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands.

Make us courageous; Lord make us courageous

Even though this song is written to men, every time I hear it,  I can’t help but cry.  I cry because I know that the words are equally true for me as a mom; I cry for the men that don’t realize how their standing on the sidelines is affecting their world;  I cry for God to give me courage and to keep my on my knees.  As I typed the words out, I wondered what would happen in our world if every parent took these words to heart and truly lived them.  Will you be a parent of courage?  I pray that your answer is yes.  Let’s be courageous together!!

Robin Blumenthal, Family Pastor

Yesterday I had 2 parents ask me for some advice on kids that lie and/or tell “stories”.  If you have kids, you too have experienced (or will experience) the same thing.  One day, my 4 year old daughter came home from Sunday School with a pair of red mittens.  I asked her where she got them.  She replied, “My Sunday School teacher gave them to me.”  With skepticism I said, “Your Sunday School teacher just gave them to you?”  She replied with a firm and confident “YES!”  I said, “I don’t think Sunday School teachers just give out gloves.”  She said, “Well, she gave them to me.”  I decided that I couldn’t let this one slip by – so I reminded her that I was the Children’s Pastor and could call the teacher.  Her response, “I know”.  SO, I did.  (Being a parent who has worked with hundreds of children, I decided that I needed to find out the whole story). I made the call.  I then called my daughter over to me.  By now, she was no longer looking me in the eye.  I said to her, “Your Sunday School teacher did say she gave them to you – and why was that?”  My daughter:  “Because when she asked the class whose they were I said, ‘mine’!”  Ahhhh….the rest of the story!

On another occasion – when I was in my 20′s and a Director for the YMCA, I had a parent come up to me and angrily accuse me of allowing the children to do a “Chinese fire drill” when on the bus for a field trip.  Now for those that don’t know – a Chinese fire drill was when a car load of people would get out of the car at at red light, run around the car and get back in.  I looked at her and thought – “Lady, you seriously believed your child when they told you this?!?!??!”  But, my outside voice said, “Well, we were at a red light and I did have to get off the bus I was on and run up to the bus in front of us because a couple of kids had thrown trash out the window.”  Her reply, “Oh!”

There is always more to the story.  Personally, I find it a fun challenge (call me sick!) to find out the other half.  Here are a few suggestions to try with your kids:

• Play “dumb”.  Ask things like, “Wow, I can’t believe your teacher wouldn’t let you make up the work – let’s go e-mail her now together, and see what she says.”  (Yes, I have used this and no, those weren’t all the facts – surprise!)
• When your child tells you a ‘hard to believe’ story – it is likely not 100% true – so ask some questions.  “Let me get this straight…”  Sometimes them hearing it back sounds ludicrous even to them!
• I have also been known to say to a child, “let me go get your leader/parent/teacher/grandma – so we can all work this out together.  Often they will say, “Well…. “  and I get “the rest of the story”.

Go – and let the investigator in you have fun!!

Many times with kids we try to win the many daily battles – and loose sight of the war.  For example – if they wear a jacket or if they finish their meal or if they forget their lunch or don’t put away their laundry.  These are all battles.  I am not saying to give up and wave the white flag, but I am saying – it is the war you want to win.  You want a relationship with your children.  You want them to learn to make wise choices.  You want them to share their hearts and their lives with you – not spend their time trying to get out from under your thumb.  You want to keep the doors open and the bridge between you strong.  I have found that parenting with Love and Logic has been an avenue for this to happen in my own home.

Look at the following quotes from my kids – see if you can see where I have left the battle to focus on the war:

“I have to pay for that? – I am not wasting/spending my own money on that!”   Me:  “I agree – I wouldn’t want to spend my money on that either.”
“My friends don’t care if I wear wrinkled clothes!”  Me: “That is good to know.”
“I won’t be tired!”   Me: “Well if anyone can decide how much sleep they need, it is you.”
“My friends don’t care when I act like this!”  Me:  “Mine would, I guess yours are different.”
“These are my grades, why do you care?” Me:  “You are right.  Just know that we only let kids drive in our home who have a ‘good grades driver discount’.”
“When I grow up….”  Me:  “It will be fun to see how you parent when you grow up – but for now, I have to answer to God for how I choose to raise you.”
“I am not going to eat this dinner.”  Me: “That is fine – just be sure that you have eaten enough to last you until breakfast.”

Our next 7 week Parenting with Love and Logic class will begin on Wednesday, January 18th at 6:30 – e-mail lflowers@pantanochristian.org to register!