Recently a long time friend asked me to write a letter to her daughter who was soon to graduate from HS.  She wanted me to talk about being a wife and to cover the verses from Ephesians 5:22-24 –  “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

I thought that those of you with daughters might like to see this letter – though it is longer than my usual blog.

Congratulations on your upcoming Graduation!!  It is hard to believe that I have known you since you were conceived.  Your mom and dad were among the very first people that I met and got to know after we moved to Phoenix.

I want to share with you my marriage story.  In order to do that – I have to start with my coming to know Christ.  You see, the decision to follow Christ, and make him Lord of my life, has affected EVERYTHING.  When I was 14, I accepted Christ as my Savior and was baptized.  From that moment on, I have chosen to walk with Christ daily.  I am not always perfect of course!!  BUT, I try to see everything I do through that lens.

When I started dating (at about 16), I knew that not only would I “save” myself for my husband, but I also would never marry someone who didn’t share my same love for Christ.  I had a lot to learn.  There are men who “say” they are Christians, and then there are men for whom Christ is Lord.

Roger and I had known of each other in College (I lived in the dorms of his college – my College was across the street and they allowed us to pay for room and board when they had extra space).  I don’t recall if we ever even talked during those years.  (He is 1 year younger than me).  Several years after we both graduated though, we ran into each other at a Children’s Pastor’s area connection meeting.  He was serving as a Children’s and Youth Pastor at a church in Huntington Beach, CA and I was serving as a Children’s Pastor for a church in Anaheim.  I invited him to bring his children from his church to our church for a “snow play day” I was having. As it turns out, we discovered that right after that Snow Day, we were both headed to a Children’s Pastor’s conference in Denver, CO.  There were over 500 people there and since we only knew each other, we spend a LOT of time together – eating meals, talking until late at night, comparing notes on the sessions, etc.

At the end of the conference we figured that we had spent about 40—50 hours getting to know each other.  We hugged goodbye and I flew home, while Roger stayed in Colorado to snow ski with a childhood friend.  I wondered all week if he would call – and he DID – a couple days after his return.  He asked me out and we set a date for that Saturday evening.  Our date lasted for 12 hours – we talked all night.  About 5:00am, we decided that since it was a Sunday and we both had to go to our churches to work – we better say “Goodbye!”  We were dating for 2 weeks when he told me he loved me.  (I quickly followed).  We dated for 2 months when he asked me to marry him – and we were married 5 months later.  SO – that is 7 months from start to finish – PRETTY FAST!!!  We have now been married almost 21 years!

While we would not recommend that for everyone (we were 25 and 26 when we started dating), we had several key things going for us:

•  We knew each other’s heart for Christ.  Not just what we “told” each other, but we were able to see the fruits in each others’ lives – where we worked, our reputations at our churches, etc.
• We also talked with many people who had known both of us for years – before we even knew each other – in order to attest to each other’s character, witness, past histories, Christian walk, etc.
• We did extensive pre-marital counseling.  We were both called to be Pastors and thus would be in the public eye.  If our marriage failed at some point, many would be disheartened and discouraged.  We wanted our marriage to be one that modeled Christ’s vision for marriage to those around us.

Living and “being one” with someone who shares your same vision, goals, values and lifestyle is of upmost importance.  I have met hundred’s of people who have not chosen to make this a priority in their dating relationships – and have ended up marring someone who was not their “helpmate”.  I feel for their daily struggles and the sense of joy that they miss out on.  Don’t settle….ever!

The verses on submission in Ephesians 5 are not easy to live up to.  I often fail.  However, the only way it can work (with God’s help of course!) is to marry someone whom you can respect.  If you cannot respect an area of your potential spouses life (which is the purpose of dating – to find a spouse), then end the relationship.  Submitting to someone you disrespect is impossible.  No spouse is perfect…however, the number one love language for men is RESPECT – and if you can’t do that, you will never be able to submit to your spouse as the head of your home.

There were several men that I dated before Roger that could have been potential life mates – but there were key things in their lives that I could not respect.  For me (and everyone is different), they included things like:  the way they treated women; smoking; drinking; foul language; not being a leader; being too passive; not speaking the truth; not having good family relations; not having a strong Christian faith and lifestyle.

My prayer for you is that you always remember where you came from.  Your parents, both have the utmost love for you.  They have worked to instill Christ-like values in you.  They have modeled these values and Christ’s love and have kept you in a church that is filled with others who also model Christ likeness.

Your future decisions are all yours.  The fruit of your walk with Christ, the choice of a career, the choice of a spouse – all yours.  God has great plans for you!  He has created you to do something that no one else on earth can do for Him.  There is no joy greater than being in the center of HIS will.  The only thing greater is to journey through life with someone who also recognizes and lives these same beliefs.

“That blast came from the mobile giving app! That thing’s operational!” – Lando Calrissian

Today we’re launching a brand new way for you to give – a mobile giving app. No download is required, just point your smartphone or iPad to pccwired.org/give (or pnto.cc/give) and you’ll be presented with a touch-friendly, simple way to give via credit or debit card. We think this will be especially useful during weekend services. A Pantano Online Community account is required. Additional options are available for those who may not yet have an account, and those who would prefer to use a non-mobile-optimized page. If you have any trouble with the mobile giving app, you can contact the web team. We also welcome your feedback.

FAQ

Q: Why is a login required?
A: For 2 reasons: 1) Security. Without login required, it opens the credit card processing up to possible exploits. Our online community provider, Church Community Builder (CCB), has some advanced mechanisms in place to allow for a non-mobile giving form where login isn’t required. 2) By logging in, our accounting process is simplified – your gift is processed by BluePay and recorded on your giving statement all at once.

Q: Is pay by check an option on the mobile giving app?
A: No. Although technically we could develop an option for ACH (eCheck) giving, it requires a lot more setup initially, and more verification on each transaction. CCB already handles this for us, so you can give via check in the non-mobile version for now. Also, if you have a check in your pocket (which you would need to pay by check), you might also have a check card in your pocket, and as long as it has a Visa/MC/Discover symbol on it, that will work fine.

Q: Can I adjust my recurring/scheduled gifts from the mobile giving app?
A: Not yet. This feature may become available in the future (along with pay by check), depending on options provided by CCB. Until then, you can log in to the Pantano Online Community as usual and make scheduled gifts.

Q: Is it secure?
A: Yes. The app is secured with 256-bit encryption, and you can check your browser to see that the security and authenticity of the site is verified by PositiveSSL CA. Transaction information is sent fully encrypted to BluePay and CCB, and no information is stored on Pantano servers at any point. For this reason, you will have to enter your card info every time (but not your billing info, assuming it matches your profile in the Online Community).

What are your summer memories like?  I grew up in Southern California, and while I didn’t personally spend much time at the beach, I remember eating grapes from a Dixie cup, running through the sprinkler, and playing outside until dark.  I don’t remember much TV watching – and video games hadn’t been invented.  I am sure that children today will have very different summer memories – FB, Texting, ipod listening, movies, cable, DSI games…I think I like my memories better!

Many kids will spend a chunk of their summer sitting more or less dormant.  Here at Pantano, we would like to help with that!  We have activities planned for children turning 3 by the end of August, through those just graduating from HS.  Day trips, Day Camp, Vacation Bible School, Fine Arts Camp, special evening events for the teens – and most importantly to us – Away Camps!

If you were here in church this weekend, you heard me share about my first Summer Camp experience – where I accepted Christ as my Savior.  From that point on, I was hooked on camp – I went as a teen a couple more years, then started attending as a Summer Camp Counselor – I LOVE CAMP!  I love the fresh air, the activities, the campfire times, the special worship, the challenging speaker and the making of new friends – but most importantly I love how I can hear God so much more clearly when I am away from home.  I can feel His presence; sense His love; enjoy His creation all around me.

For my kids, I would say that the same has been true.  They come back closer to God, renewed in their faith, closer to their friends and their church leaders – it is a win for all of us – AND, some of the best money we spend all year – well worth the investment!

My prayer is that you will consider Summer camp this summer for your incoming 3rd thru HS Student.  Our camps are by age group and we will be happy to answer your questions, help provide a scholarship if camp is not affordable for you, AND we will have at least one of our Full Time Staff at every camp – as well as qualified and loving leaders, many of whom your children likely will already know!

Whether you call it “The Talk” or the “The Birds and the Bees” – most parents get very nervous when “the time” comes to discuss sex with their child.    When do you do this?  How much do you share?  What do you say?  What terms do you use?  So much pressure!

Because Roger and I have 4 girls – I have been the lucky one to have the talk – 3 times.  I chose to do the twins together.  Not sure that was the best move on my end.  After the initial “You have GOT to be kidding about all this!!” and “GROSS!”, here are a few excerpts from their comments from that night –    “So, you and dad have done this 4 times?”  to which the other replied, “NO, Stupid!  They have only done it 3 times – we are twins!”  Before I could really answer, one of them asks, “So, how will we know how to do this when we get married?  Can we watch you and dad?”  (Can you feel my pain??!?!?)  Uncomfortable or not – every parent needs to make this conversation a priority – at some point.

I would recommend a couple of tools that you can use for when the time comes:  Family Life Publishing puts out a weekend curriculum designed for a parent and child to do together called “Passport2Puritity” by Barbara and Denise Rainey.  James Dobson and Focus on the Family put out a program entitled “Preparing for Adolescence”.  I am sure that there are more tools as well.  Either way, it is vitally important that you, as parent, are the one to have this conversation with your pre-teen.  The public schools address the topic in 4th grade.  Whether you choose 4th or 5th grade to have this conversation, I recommend that you have it before your child enters Middle School.  You want them to know the facts – from you – BEFORE they hear a lot from their peers.

Here at PCC, we offer an every other year curriculum discussing this with our 4th and 5th graders on Saturday nights (we will be heading into week 3 of this curriculum this weekend).  Some parents choose to talk to their kids 1:1 after we have covered the curriculum, some choose to do it before.

For those of you with Middle and High School students, we also cover this most years in the Spring.  Also, this week, we have  a special Parent Partnership Night designed for parents and teens to attend together, “The Reality of Sex and Teens in Today’s World”.  We will be meeting in the auditorium on Wednesday, March 14th from 6:30-8:30.  There will be a panel of pregnant, parenting, and abstinent teens.   The night will be facilitated by 2 of our church members who work for Teen Outreach Pregnancy Services.  We encourage teens to attend with their parents and hope that parents will follow up the panel discussion with some 1:1 conversation with their teen at home that night.

Lately I’ve been thinking about regret. I have images from a movie or TV show where someone is near the end of their life and they tell their loved ones that they lived a good life and have no regrets. In a sense, success in life is defined by having no regrets and celebrating our lives. This subject became more acute for me this week when a pastor friend from California preached his final sermon last Sunday and handed over the pulpit and his church to a new pastor only to wake up on his first day of retirement and experience a life-ending heart attack.

My friend’s death has made me think more about the meaning of life and the legacy I hope to leave with my own life. The fact is I have lots of regrets about the things I have done and some of the choices I have made in my life. There are a number of choices I have made that if I could do it over again I would choose differently. Does that mean I have somehow failed and that my life has somehow not lived up to its potential?

I recently heard a talk that is part of TED,  entitled “Don’t Regret Regret,” Kathryn Schulz suggests that “the point isn’t to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them.” I believe that we all have regrets, things that we would do differently if we had the opportunity.  The trap that some of us fall into is that we allow regret to define who we are. Our poor choices and sinful behaviors define us as bad or flawed or imperfect people and we can beat ourselves up and even hate ourselves over the choices we regret we have made.

The hope that we have as Christians is that no matter what regrets we have in our lives, Jesus has died for our sins. Philippians 3:13 says “Christ Jesus made me his own … But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.”  Jesus has forgiven us for the things we regret including our flaws, our imperfections and our poor choices.  It is not our regrets that define who we are but rather Jesus who defines us as his own, as beloved children of God.

Knowing that God has forgiven me helps to make it easier to forgive myself for my poor choices, flaws and imperfections. As Kathryn explains, “Regret doesn’t remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better.” Jesus is not a magician that has taken away my regret, but my faith gives me the hope and confidence to redeem my regrets into something better. It is the promise of Romans 8:29 “…for those who love God all things work together for good.” The regrets I have in my life remind me of the legacy I want to leave on this earth and the person that I want to be. My regrets challenge me to live a life that has brought heaven to earth and has made the world a better place and has given glory and honor to God.

What is Baby Dedication?  Here at PCC, it is a time where parents stand before their family, friends, and most importantly, God, and dedicate themselves to raising their child according to God’s Word.  This means that they are saying to all that they will not only take the time to tell their child about God, they will also model Christ to their children.

Why is this important?  Because Biblically speaking, it is our responsibility to pass our values and our faith on to our children.  It is not the church’s job and it is certainly not a job that we want to leave up to chance or the world around us.  If we believe in the authority and power of the Bible; if we believe that God created us and loves us; if we believe that accepting Christ as our Savior is the only way to heaven, then we need to own the fact that it is our job to pass all this on to our children.

Some might ask, “shouldn’t children be allowed to choose their own faith?”  Absolutely!  In fact, that is the only way it works!  God has given each of us free will.  When your children are old enough to choose Christ through baptism, we will help with that.  However, you don’t have to read very far into the Old Testament to vividly see the effects of generations of Israelites “passing away” without passing on their faith to their children.  Over and over we see the same cycle – the Israelites following the one true God, then being blessed, then forgetting God or turning from God, then a new generation growing up without knowing God, then trials and tribulations.  After a time, they find/follow God again, repent, and the cycle starts over.

If your children choose to not follow God as adults, that is their choice – but do not let it be because they didn’t know God or Christ THRU you!!

While modeling Christ to your children is your role, we, as a church want to walk along side you.  We have tools and offer a wonderful and meaningful celebration.  If you are interested in attending our next Baby Dedication class, e-mail me at rjblumenthal@pantanochristian.org!  The class is this Sunday, March 11th, with the actual dedication on Sunday, March 25th!

A love and logic parent forwarded me an article by Alison Gopnik: “What’s Wrong With the Teenage Mind?”  It was very interesting.  Alison talks about how children are reaching puberty earlier, but adulthood later – quoting various studies and findings that show this to be true.

Here is a quote that really grabbed my love and logic friend and I – see if it resonates with you too:

“You come to make better decisions by making not-so-good decisions and then correcting them. You get to be a good planner by making plans, implementing them and seeing the results again and again. Expertise comes with experience.”

The article goes on to explain why apprenticeships and real life experiences are so important.  Our brain needs these opportunities to develop.  Here is how Alison puts it: “First, experience shapes the brain. People often think that if some ability is located in a particular part of the brain, that must mean that it’s “hard-wired” and inflexible. But, in fact, the brain is so powerful precisely because it is so sensitive to experience. It’s as true to say that our experience of controlling our impulses make the prefrontal cortex develop as it is to say that prefrontal development makes us better at controlling our impulses. Our social and cultural life shapes our biology.”

Sparing your child relatively safe, real life experiences and consequences will not allow their brains to develop as fully as allowing them to experience the results of their choices – and learn from them.  Here are some easy ones to start with:

• Don’t rescue your child if they have forgotten their lunch, jacket, homework or musical instrument.  These are “cheap” learning experiences – let them learn from them.
• Don’t bail them out of poor choices when they refuse to finish their dinner, complete their chores, take ownership of their homework.  Allow these childhood experiences to build their decision making abilities and their confidence when they learn from their mistakes.

Help build your teenagers mind!  Even children as young as 2-3 can be learning from their mistakes and decisions!

This weekend Pastor Mike Parejo taught from Matthew 5:21-26 and explained how anger can turn into murder. I wonder if some of you are like me and have read this passage and felt that it was wrong to be angry. Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement.” Judgement implies that someone is being accused of doing something wrong and in this context the angry person appears to be in the wrong. Therefore, it is not becoming of a proper Christian to be angry. After all, we should be known for our love and not our anger, right?

It is not a sin to be angry; these verses clearly indicate that God feels anger!

• 1Kings 11:9 – The Lord was angry with Solomon because he turned his heart away from the Lord.
• 2Kings 17:18 – The Lord was angry with Israel.
• Matthew 21:12-14 – Jesus in anger drives out salesmen from the Temple.
• Mark 3:1-5 – Jesus looks at the Pharisees in anger and heals a man with a shriveled hand on the Sabbath.

I tell my wife that I am an angry, bitter old man and I come from a long line of angry, bitter old men. For most of my life I have not really understood anger or even fully recognized when I am feeling anger. I have seen anger to be expressed as rage in the form of yelling or arguing and even physical abuse. Anger that is not expressed as rage has been confusing to me and has become a taboo emotion that I was taught to keep to myself.

Anger can be a sin when it is expressed as rage and becomes verbal or physical abuse. Anger is also sinful when it becomes resentment and bitterness toward another person and, of course, anger is sinful when it turns to murder! However, anger can be helpful, as it is where we can find assertiveness, strength and energy. When used appropriately, anger can change the world!

I think it is time that Christians are known for our anger! There are 350 children in the state of Arizona whose parents have had their parental rights severed and could be adopted but are in foster care and group homes. Does it tick you off at all that these kids will grow up without a family and that at age 18 the group home will kick them out and 90% of those kids will end up in prison? Does it tick you off that over a million children are forced into sex slavery worldwide and 100,000 of those are in the US? Seriously is this ok with you? In 2010, there were 46 million Americans  living in poverty, the highest number in the 52 years this statistic has been tracked, with poverty being defined as making less that $22,000 a year. There are over 3 billion people around the world that live on less than $3 a day or less than $1100 a year! Please tell me you feel something!

These are all problems that Christians can be known for helping to solve. When will we collectively be angry enough to yell out “THESE THINGS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE?” When will we channel our anger to be assertive and use our collective wisdom and innovative thinking to find homes for orphans, free the slaves and feed the world? When we will collectively act like Jesus and use our anger to bring love to the poor and the oppressed?

A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from a family in need.  The couple/blended family was going to divorce and things were getting volatile.  The mom and her 3 kids needed a place to stay for a few days.  Roger was out of town, so I called a “Family Meeting” and explained to our girls that we were going to open our home for a few days.  That few days ended up being 12 days – and our family was amazingly blessed in the process of helping this other family.

Last week, after we helped the family pack  and get ready to move back to another state, Roger and I took some time to “debrief” the past couple of weeks with the girls.  We knew that a lot of learning had taken place – and we wanted to get the most out of this growing experience.  Here are some of the spinoffs of our family conversation:

• Amazing how God blessed us while we blessed them
• How much we enjoyed having them and how close we all grew
• How scary it must have been for the family to have no place to go and no money
• How trusting and helpful their kids were
• Some great recipes, how to french braid, and more
• How important it is to know someone before you get married
• What they would do if they were in a relationship that “didn’t seem quite right”
• Important questions to ask while dating
• How important friends are in helping you determine your choices in life
• Seeking Godly wisdom and advice when making choices
• How God’s church responded to this family in their time of need
• How some people from our church staff just anonymously gave money to help them
• How the mom had said to us that “we had been Jesus” to her – and what that meant
• How we hope that they will visit us again some time!

As parents, we can take any situation and turn it into a time of teaching.  Our job is to make the most of our life experiences – and use them to point children to God.

The other day I had a young teen talk to me about wanting to have a pet.  She had promised her mom she would take care of it, but mom wasn’t convinced.  So, what to do?

When I was 7, my mom was expecting her 3rd child.  At that time we had just adopted a little lost dog.  It belonged to the family – but I wanted it for my own.  So, my younger brother (who was 5) and I made a deal.  If the baby was a girl, he got to own the dog; if the baby was a boy, I got to own the dog.  When my mom had another boy, I was overjoyed!  I FAR MORE wanted a dog than another brother!  From that point on, I always had a pet of some sort.  Dog, fish, parakeets, hamsters.  They were always my responsibility, and usually lived in my room.  I learned a lot from Dodie, Lucky, Comet, Cupid, Sugar and Spice (just to name a few).

Pets teach children about responsibility and about giving and receiving love.  They allow kids to do research and make decisions about care.  Pets give kids a chance to have someone to “talk” to.  Pets don’t have to be dogs or cats.  Our household has 2 family dogs.  But some of our daughters have their own pets too.  Pets purchased with their own money and that live in their room.  We have a total of 4 parakeets and 2 bunnies that live in the girl’s rooms.  (And 2 African water frogs – but those are mine!)

Here is the question that you are likely asking.  Robin, what if my kids don’t take care of their pets?  Obviously you don’t want to let innocent animals or fish die.  Simply do one of the following Love and Logic options:

• Take care of them a couple of times – but either charge your kids for your services or have an “energy drain” to replenish the energy it took to do their job.
• If that happens often, or too much in a row, simply find the pets a new home.  You don’t have to warn your child.  When they ask “Where is Fido or Goldie?”  you can simply say, with empathy, “I have taken them over to the Smith family (notice I didn’t say Blumenthal family) and they are going to take care of them for a while.  I felt bad about the neglect Fido/Goldie was experiencing.  Perhaps one day soon you will be able to convince me and your pet that you can care of them.”  Now, if your child doesn’t mind or forgets all about it – then work out permanent arrangements – they are not ready for a pet and/or don’t care enough to want the responsibility.  Likely your child will work to get the pet back – AND be more responsible for it!